More writings from the past...
Vegas rules! That's all I have to say. I always have a great time in Vegas. Not because I'm being wild or doing lots of "Vegas-y" type things, but just because this place is always going. I love it! We're here at Memory Trends, Bob and I and we're having so much fun! It's a more laid back show than CHA and so much less overwhelming. We're filming some interviews, I'm giving some interviews, I'm buying tons of stuff for the boutique and it's just F-U-N. So needless to say, I don't have a ton of time to blog, BUT I have a part of a blog post that I wrote on the airplane on my way to Creative Escape...yeah, it was weird but apparently I turn all writer-y in airplanes...it's not done, but I wanted to at least get part of it up. I'm sure the conclusion will be real good some day...whenever I get around to writing it. :)
(written September 5 way up in the sky)
OK, so yesterday I had to go to Walgreen’s to pick up some prescriptions for myself…I FINALLY got my Narcolepsy pills refilled! Anyway, I had to wait for about thirty minutes in the store while they diligently counted out my thirty pills, then took painstaking care to place the label sticker with my name on it just so…but hey, I’m patient and those guys just have Chemistry degrees, and “How To Ignite the Fast Counter Inside You”, or “Sticker Placement 101: Peel N’ Stick” , obviously weren’t part of their degree program. Now that I think about it, I would think those Pharmacy School administrator types should consider offering these two programs around the country, because I will never understand for the life of me how it takes 30 minutes for them to fill a prescription.Wow. I am really learning how to create an elaborate back story, aren’t I? Going to Walgreen’s is only a small, albeit important part of this tale…
OK, so I can do A LOT of damage in Walgreen’s in 30 minutes. I mean COME ON, inexpensive makeup, the whole ethnic hair product row, not to mention the wide array of chemical hair removers they offer. It’s really just a dream come true for someone like me who gets sucked into every type of product claims and packaging. I swear, every new product I see, I always think "now this bathroom cleaner is really going to change my life". I mean I really believe that sometimes. I can seriously get a whole new lease on life because of a new flavor of Secret deodorant. Dude, those guys at Proctor & Gamble with their magical product packaging must have really seen me coming.
So I’m working the aisles filling up my basket with lots of school supplies and “As Seen on TV” items, when I come across a product I’ve not yet seen. Temporary Self Tanning MOUSSE! My pasty white skin and I did a double leap right there in the store. Well apparently, it’s been out for a while because when I went to share the great news of my discovery to my assistant, she replied “oh yeah, I used that for my brother’s wedding last year.” LAST YEAR? Where have I been? I mean I fancy myself a bit of a beauty product connassuire, but I never knew about this lightweight, fluffy, “you too can be a bronze goddess” froth until today! Well, of course I snatched it right up. I could hardly wait to get out of the store so I could get home and slather it on.
When I arrived home, I darted to my bathroom…no one stopped me because it was evident that I was on some type of “bathroom mission”…not the “typical” bathroom mission, but they could tell something was up and knew not to obstruct my work.
I quickly disrobed and took a shower. Upon reading the can, I realized that the foam had to be applied to clean, dry skin. That required soap. I hurriedly toweled off and denied myself my usual slather of body cream as instructed by the can. I shook the can gently, hoping to find just the right balance of velocity so my mousse would be the perfect consistency. I depressed the dispensing button and out came the most beautiful substance I’ve ever seen. You know when you dispense shaving cream and it magically expands and forms a perfect mound in your palm? Well it was just like that…only brown. However, this airy and smooth formula held a great hope for me, far greater than that of smooth underarms and legs. It held the hope of a dream I have had since I was five years old and realized that Melanin production was not a possibility for me (this was discovered in summer of ’76 when after spending no less than eight hours a day in the sun for three straight months at the community pool, I was still being called “Casper” by all of the neighbor children. Later on in my life, my dad finally offered up an apology, “I’m sorry honey…I never would have made up that name if I would have known it was going to stick.”
I am Jeanette and my dream is to be tan.
In my long 36 years, many a product promising a flawless sunless tan has come and go. There have been major advances in the technology over the years, thankfully. Back in the day of QT or “Quick Tan” you risked looking like you had OD’d on carrot juice. It worked fairly well for those who were already somewhat tan and just needed a boost. Those (like myself) who are so pale that only two major cosmetics companies even manufacture foundation light enough for our skin, didn't fair as well with the QT magic potion from the 70's and 80's...no pun intended...or should that have been "fare"? My point is, there's just not a lot of hope for us "Caspers". There was that time back in the late 80's when I had fully convinced myself that white was "in". Now I didn't come o this conclusion on my own...I was modeling in NYC and it the fashion industry despised any kind of tanned skin and lauded me for my paleness...however this is the same industry that tries to convince the world that six foot tall girls who weigh 86 pounds are healthy and beautiful. So that whole "white is cool" thing didn't last long...I knew the truth...golden brown, glowing skin is perfection. I mean there could be a really tan girl who weighs 57 pounds more than me, but I guarantee she looks better in a swimsuit than I do.
So back to my quest...let's just say I've tried it all. The airbrush tan is the best. A human holding a sprayer is way better than the scary Mystic Tan Booth that startles you EVERY time it starts to spray it's ice cold brown dyed chemicals at you...EVERY time, no matter how much you are expecting it. It's not cheap though, and it's a very humiliating process...last time I had it done the girl came in the room when I wasn't quite in the little protective tent thing, and I had to walk across the room completely naked other than the weird, slippery booties and shower cap I had on. That was without a doubt the longest walk I have EVER taken.
OK, this story is getting WAY too long...those of you still here deserve some type of reward for reading all of this...
So back to my bathroom with my can of "great brown hope"...
OK, so that was the end. LOL I guess that was part one...I'll have to finish it up another time...sorry to leave you hanging at such a pivotal spot in the story. ;)
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